Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This beer is not sobering me up at all
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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