Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize