i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
