I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
