you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
