I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
