the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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