I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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