Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
