it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
