Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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