I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this beer tastes like vomit already
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
