I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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