So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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