I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
