Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
