Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
