happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
