bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
