marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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