It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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