I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
