my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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