he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
