so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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