You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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