please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
