I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
