I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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