His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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