Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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