Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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