she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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