6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
