The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
