we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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