I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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