i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
