God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
