Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
