brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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