$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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