Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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