Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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