she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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