How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
