hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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