i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
