susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
