I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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