I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
