I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
