i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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