So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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