i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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