no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
