bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
