Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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