i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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