If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
