You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
