Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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