the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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