I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
