you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
