I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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