Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
