Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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