if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Barsexuality is the new black.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
