waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
