Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
