I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
