We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED