I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.