You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This house was built for laser tag.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.