There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
