four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow