thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
