we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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