We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
